Thursday, June 7, 2018

Movie Review: Acrimony

Spoiler Alert:  This review may contain details that some may view as giving away too much of the storyline.

Kudos to Tyler Perry for unintentionally--or intentionally--putting the spotlight on mental health issues among Black females. Tyler Perry's Acrimony is part-suspense, part-thriller, with a sprinkle of humor here and there. Although it drags at some points, and potentially leaves the viewer confused, upon reflection there is much to be learned, and I personally hope Mr. Perry continues teaching through film in this way.  Acrimony is not as obvious as Mr. Perry's typical films. This new style may take a bit getting used to for some viewers, but the value is there.

Perry requires the viewer to put their thinking caps on. You may learn the following lessons upon doing so.

1.  First impressions. According to the late, great Dr. Maya Angelou, "When people tell you who they are, believe them!" Tyler Perry's Acrimony lends credence to this adage. The object of the main character's desire gets a glimpse of her tendencies when they first meet, yet he continues to pursue a relationship with her.

2.  Make your own decisions about your relationships.  Part of the reason the main character decides to end her relationship is due to pressure from her family. She then ends up hurt when her  ex-husband's new wife ends up reaping the benefit of his success. Here's where there seems to be some disagreement about the turn the film should have taken: Some feel Taraji P. Henson's character was reasonably upset over her "loss." I disagree: There was actually no evidence that the ex-husband was ever guilty of the behaviors that are insinuated throughout the first half of the film. Henson's character is entitled to nothing. She loses fair and square. I guess the question is:  How long do  you support a spouse's dream?

3.  Resolve mental health issues.  All throughout the film, the main character's family made reference to her anger issues. She does not get therapy until she is ordered to do so. The main character's unresolved issues, and other people's unwillingness to intervene, cause her and others to get hurt.

4.  Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) may be prevalent among Black females. There is already research that indicates that BPD is disproportionally experienced by females, but one wonders if BPD is disproportionately experienced by Black females. It makes sense when you look at the symptoms against the backdrop of what many Black females tend to experience. BPD is thought to be prevalent among people who experience loss, abuse and neglect. It is a well-known fact that Blacks, irrespective of class, tend to have more experiences with loss, abuse and neglect than others. Dare I say:  These experiences are more likely to be doubled for us, because we seem to have developed an uncanny knack/proclivity (thanks to the Enslavement Process) for hurting each other.

Let's look at a few of the symptoms. The symptoms listed below are not an exhausted list. This blog is not intended to diagnose or treat any mental health illness. The goal of this blog is to encourage self-examination and critical analysis. 
  • Distorted and unstable self-image or sense of self. The sense of entitlement some females have concerning other females' conduct towards them comes to mind: Females getting upset when another female does not greet them. For example, some females(1) get upset when another female does not "speak" to them. The offended female usually will not admit that she herself hasn't "spoken" and is waiting for the victim of her ire to "speak" first. This accusation is code for: "She won't tell me her business" or "How am I supposed to verify that she is just as miserable as me if she doesn't even say 'Hi'" or "She's not friendly enough for my ego. I need more." See: Some "females" think they are entitled to information about others, but the desire for this information is usually sinister. See the "Chickenheads" page of this blog for more on this tendency. My guess is this comes from a lack of affection during childhood. Pure and simple: Hugs and kisses validate a person. Affection makes a person feel wanted. When children are denied affection, they grow up seeking it from other people and sources. The anger from being denied it morphs into a sense of entitlement. The main character experiences the loss of her mother at a young age and likely does not have the support of a father, as one is not mentioned. The loss of a caregiver typically has an adverse impact on a person's sense of self. 
In Acrimony, the main character thought she was entitled to her ex-husband's fortune even though she had ended the marriage. She thought her ex-husband's new wife was living the life she, Taraji P. Henson's character, was supposed to have. 


  • Impulsive and often dangerous behaviors, such as spending sprees, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, and binge eating. Please note: If these behaviors occur primarily during a period of elevated mood or energy, they may be signs of a mood disorder—not borderline personality disorder.  The birth rates in our communities, evidenced by over-crowded inner-city schools, and the weight issues that often plague Black females, may be evidence of this. 

  • Intense and highly changeable moods, with each episode lasting from a few hours to a few days. 

  • Chronic feelings of emptiness

  • Inappropriate, intense anger or problems controlling anger. For example, it is inappropriate for a person to be upset about someone not "speaking" to them when another person's greeting or conversation is not owed.  

  • This blog post is not intended to suggest that all Black females are crazy. It is meant to encourage critical observation, critical thought and change. 

    Footnote(s):
    (1) The term "woman" and "women" are used sparingly, as a reference to humans with female genitalia who have shown through their conduct that they are fully (emotionally, socially and psychologically) evolved. When describing unevolved behavior and people, the term "female" is used.





    Thursday, March 29, 2018

    How Black men can help with the chickenhead epidemic

    #GrownManStatus #GrownFolksBusiness #Chickenheads

    As one of the chickenhead's motives is to convince you that she, the chickenhead, is better for you than other females, you can expect it to find subtle ways to persuade your thinking. Remember: The chickenhead thinks that by controlling other females' reputations she can control who likes or dislikes her victims. Chickenheads often campaign against their victims by exaggerating the truth, and outright lying about their interactions or observations. Chickenheads are especially dangerous when they don't get what they want. They do not handle rejection well. This rejection fuels their thinking and behavior. Their plan is to make others feel their pain. They will do anything to create a sense of rejection in their victims, including distort reality to make you think that you, too, should reject the victim.  (FYI: This rejection likely comes from not getting enough hugs and kisses as a child and/or not having an appropriate/strong father figure.)

    Now here you go being put in the uncomfortable position of having to listen to the chickenhead's clucks about someone you either actually already like or don't have an opinion about. It's hard to tell someone you don't appreciate what they're saying or doing, so here are some tips to help you keep your sanity and spot in heaven intact.

    1. Don't get sucked in. Remember that when a female is speaking negatively about another female, nine times out of 10, the speaker is exaggerating what happened because she did not get what she wanted. A real woman speaks directly to her defendant about the issue(s) she has with her. The chickenhead is revealing herself to you simply by speaking negatively about another. If you mess around and encourage the chickenhead's behavior, you will end up with burnt feathers in your throat:  You may end up missing out on a productive relationship with the victim or end up changing your thinking and behavior in a way that is detrimental to your growth and development. Birds of a feather . . .  Be very careful about the chickenhead's subtle influences; don't let it become you.

    2. Let the chickenhead know that you don't think her behavior (gossip, undermining other Black females, lying, stealing joy, etc.) is cute.  Most people find it difficult to address people directly about their shortcomings or something they think a person is doing wrong. We fear ridicule and losing a relationship. But then we lose a growth opportunity: We lose the opportunity to stand up for what is right and the speaker loses the opportunity to learn how to manage her unwarranted ill feelings in a more positive way.

    Consider gently nudging the chickenhead towards righteousness. You may say something like:  "How is it helping to speak that way about that person?" or "Have you considered talking directly to her about that?" Sometimes it's easier to ask questions than to make statements. And the benefit of asking questions is that questions can encourage critical thinking.

    Whatever you do, be careful that your response cannot be mistaken for "co-signing." Remember: The chickenhead is trying to impress you. She erroneously thinks that discrediting other females gives her an advantage in your eyes.

    3.  Hold the chickenhead accountable for her actions. Challenge the chickenhead's inferiority complex by encouraging her to critically think about herself:  If the chickenhead is complaining about something frivolous and petty like what another female is wearing, for example, ask the chickenhead why she doesn't purchase more suitable clothing for the subject of her ire. If the chickenhead is really concerned about her victim's appearance, wouldn't this--or something like this problem-solving action--be the solution? Ask:  How is talking about her behind her back going to help? Ask the chickenhead why the petty subject about which she is speaking is so important to her.

    4. Get to know the victim for yourself. Chances are: The victim of the chickenhead's ire doesn't even know (and hopefully doesn't care) she's even being spoken about. Rule #1: Don't believe anything a female says about another female--especially if it's negative--or if the speaker is a confirmed chickenhead. (Check the previous post about how to identify chickenheads and chickenhead behavior.)

    The chickenhead epidemic is ruining the Black community. Little Black girls are learning how to put each other down not lift each other up. Chickenheads perpetuate a culture of triflery and pettiness. We likely learned this during the Enslavement Process as a way to survive. It wasn't useful then, and it's not useful now. Our numbers and health are rapidly diminishing. Please, Brothers:  Help . . .

    Thursday, March 22, 2018

    Movie Review: Burning Sands (Netflix)

    #BurningSands #LessSteppingMoreStudying

    Burning Sands exposes the hypocrisy inherent in Black Greek letter organizations. It reveals a lot about what is wrong with some intake processes, but more importantly what's wrong with the Black community--and the talented tenth charged with leading it. By most accounts, Black Greek letter organizations began in the early 20th century in response to Blacks not being allowed to join White Greek letter organizations, as a way of fostering scholarship and a sense of community among Black collegians, and as vehicles for Black collegians to provide community service. Yet, as Burning Sands reveals, instead of paying it forward many, Black collegians are engaging in counterproductive behavior that negates the purpose of Black Greek letter life.

    One of Burning Sands' explorations concerns some people's motivation for pledging:  Sometimes a person is interested because they are "legacy"--they have a parent or parents who pledged, or they are  pressured by family members that dominate a particular affiliation. Some people join for social status or help climbing a career ladder. Some people join seeking a sense of family. Of course, reasons for pledging abound and are not exhausted here.

    It is the exposé of contradictions that makes Burning Sands most useful. One of the most blaring contradictions explored surrounds the movement towards bonding that is supposed to be typical of pledge processes. For instance, throughout the film, the audience is exposed to line brothers treating each other in unbrotherly ways. Additionally, most--if not all--Black Greek Letter organizations are based on Christian principles, yet many Black Greek Letter members fornicate, gossip and bare false witness against each other and others--and engage in other ungodly acts. In one scene, the pledges visit their dean in his dorm room where a naked female can be seen lying in his bed. The insinuation is not that she was posing for a portrait. Further: Most, if not all, Black Greek Letter organizations are based upon the principle of scholarship, yet some organizations take pride in forcing activities upon pledges that cut into studying time. It is not uncommon for a pledge's grade point average to plummet while pledging.

    Sands also highlights the fact--possibly unintentionally--that Blacks lack leadership. Black Greek Letter organizations are supposed to consist of what W.E.B. DuBois, a member of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Incorporated, called the Talented Tenth--the small group of Blacks who were fortunate enough to pursue scholarship and who were expected to subsequently lead and pull others behind them. Yet in Sands, an elder member of the fraternity that is the subject of the movie supports the dysfunctional practices portrayed.

    Yet, there are some misunderstandings:  Most people's perception of underground pledging does not account for the fact that some organizations have study hours built into their processes that include big brothers and sisters checking the library to make sure pledges are there and getting their school work done. This is a little known fact that some organizations may downplay as pledging is often exaggerated to make it appear as if it is "so hard" to gain membership. Keep in mind that Blacks tend to have a fascination with scandal. One example of this from the movie is when the line brothers chide one of their own for not drinking and being sexually active. We seem to have adopted the notion that life and lessons are supposed to be lived and learned the hard way.  Maybe Slavery taught us that life is supposed to consist of struggle and sacrifice? We applaud poverty and deprivation and pathologize anyone who doesn't seem to have had such experiences. Some take pride in their perceived ability to revoke "Black cards" from those who haven't suffered enough. Black Greek Letter members are often no different. For this reason, graduate chapter membership is sometimes looked down upon--even amongst organization members--because it is perceived to be easier to attain. Some Black Greek Letter organization members literally pretend to have pledged hard just to get respect.

    Some members scramble to specify that they pledged undergrad so they get more respect. Yet, the same members who mock people for pledging graduate chapters and being "paper" members are the same ones who brag about famous honorary members who didn't "pledge." Would a member who pledged "so hard" undergrad call her 50 year-old pastor who just joined a graduate chapter "paper?" And as discretion is supposed to be one of the hallmarks of "pledging," what is a member doing discussing someone else's process anyway?

    One criticism of Sands will likely be that Black Greek Letter organization rituals are being unfairly criticized by people who do not understand the original purpose of "pledging." This may be true. One of the problems with large organizations, especially national and international groups, is that it is difficult to manage individual membership and rituals. Leadership passes these processes down to members they hope they can trust and to whom they trust has the requisite understanding of the organization's mission and purpose. But the best intentions . . . Feelings get involved: Sometimes credible prospective members are passed over due to petty jealousies; sometimes people become intent on inflicting the same pain that was inflicted on them without regard to the organization's mission and the lesson that is supposed to be learned; sometimes neophytes want to shed their newness by pledging a line--any line--and allow unworthy individuals to join by haphazardly pledging them without regard to their ability to uphold the ideals of the organization; and sometimes processes are changed out of fear--to appease those who may repeat something about the process they do not understand and cause a misunderstanding that leads to suspension.

    Blacks have long had a legacy problem: We tend to start out good, but have a hard time maintaining our success over generations. The state of Black Greek Letter organizations is an example of that.

    By some accounts, the Black Greek Letter pledge process was initially designed to parallel a rite of passage. Yet, many leave their processes unchanged and useless to the communities they pledged to assist.

    The controversy about Sands stems from Blacks not liking inconvenient truths, and wanting to maintain a facade about Black elite organizations. Folks like to do their dirt in private and put on a facade of unity.  Anyone who betrays this faux unity--who dares to tell the truth, like Gerard McMurray does with Sands, is branded a traitor. (Yet, it's okay for Blacks to expose the misdeeds of others, which is why movements like Black Lives Matter is not taken seriously. But I digress.)

    Hopefully, Burning Sands will spark critical analysis and conversations about Black elitism, the need for leadership amongst Blacks, dysfunctional habits that need to be abandoned, and our inability to maintain generational success.



    Tuesday, November 21, 2017

    Protecting Children During the Holidays

    The holiday season--hopefully--brings cheer, music, fun, parties, and goodwill.  But we're actually more vulnerable during this time because we tend to let our guards down and presume that others have to. And with all of the running around and mingling we do, it is easy to toss young ones into the care of whomever is available without full investigation.

    The parties, the drinking, the food, the music, the lights, and the contact with loved ones we haven’t heard from all year can be intoxicating. Yet, it is precisely this spirit evil-doers take advantage of. 

    As the Season is upon us, now is a good time to review some safety tips.   

    Trust no one.  Keep your eyes and ears open. Be leery of individuals that seem eager to please, or who seem particularly interested in caring for your children or others. Whether or not a person has children of their own, or are caretakers is not necessarily an indication of their evil intent. People who have, or care for, children should not automatically be trusted just because of their status as parents or caregivers. Some perpetrators intentionally choose to harm others’ children. 

    Plan in advance.  Haste makes waste. Securing child care at the last minute limits your options and may force you to hire someone you have not fully considered. 

    When you attend an event that involves multiple children, simultaneous activities,  and other adults, think before-hand about which adults will be responsible for childcare and protection. 

    Talk to your children—of all ages, and gender—about safety.  It should now be common knowledge that little boys need protection, too. You should already be unashamed about accompanying your little mister into a boys’ or girls’ bathroom. You should also be constantly reminding your female and male children about stranger-danger, trusting their intuition, strategies for alerting others that they are in danger, and situations to avoid.

    Also, specifically discuss holiday-related scenarios that could involve perpetrators. For instance, discuss scenarios that involve a perpetrator claiming to be shopping for a loved one, or a perpetrator claiming to need help choosing a gift or help carrying shopping bags. Have your children think of scenarios, too.

    Teach your loved ones to be leery of people who are very talkative. The longer a conversation persists, the more comfortable we tend to feel, and the potential for our guard being let down increases. Perpetrators con with their mouths and can be very charming.

    Remind your children that they need not be afraid if a perpetrator instructs that a loved one will be harmed if what occurred is repeated, and that perpetrators say this because they are really afraid of getting in trouble for doing something they know is wrong.

    Teach your kids the buddy system.  Teach your children to always know where loved ones, such as their siblings, are. If there is a room designated for children at a relative’s house or other holiday event, teach older siblings to check in periodically on younger siblings, and to let younger siblings know where to find their older siblings.  

    Only-children may use this plan with peer cousins.

    Holidays, with all of the loud laughter, noise, and festivities, are a perfect time to take advantage of people, as screams are difficult to hear over all of the excitement. Always having an idea of where your little ones are and what they're doing is important prevention.

    Evaluate your children’s interactions with others.  Perpetrators are very manipulative. They can appear to be very fond of the children they commit evil against. You might even think that based upon how much they appear to care for your child, they could or would never hurt the child. Don’t be fooled. Perpetrators often show special affection to their victims. They may be very playful with them, or appear to extend the time they play with their victim.

    Teach your children that when they make anyone—their peers and adults—aware that they are done playing with them, or have tired of a particular interaction—they are entitled to the interaction ending. In other words: “Stop” means stop! 

    Do not let your children think that it is rude to not interact with others, or to limit their interactions with others. Sometimes children sense things about people and situations that they cannot or do not explain. Teach your children to trust their intuition, and that they do not owe anyone any level of interaction.

    Give your children language for ending interactions, such as “I’m done playing now,” or “I said ‘stop’!” Role playing that includes your child saying what may need to be said exactly the way they might say it, should make them more comfortable saying the words in real-time.

    Talk to your children about their experience at events, after the event.  Parents often complain that their children do not talk to them. But could that be because you don’t talk to your children? Initiate conversation with your children about what happened at events they have attended. Ask if anything happened that made them uncomfortable. Ask if anyone or anything seemed strange. Abuse of any kind is difficult to discuss, and is especially difficult to initiate conversation about. Children, especially young children, tend not to have vocabulary for certain experiences. They may want to tell you that something happened, but lack the words or courage. 
    Finally, observe your children’s mood and behavior after events. 



    Abuse or intimidation is typically unsettling, and may manifest as a change in behavior or functioning. 

    Saturday, October 14, 2017

    The elephants on the field #NFL #Kaepernick #DownOnBendedKnee

    Last year, when Eric Reid and Colin Kaepernick knelt down during the national anthem, they meant to bring attention to race relations in America, especially police brutality, social injustice, the bail system and the importance of local government elections, specifically with district attorneys, according to an ESPN.com article. Yet, there are two reasons their protest continues to actually not be addressing those issues, and two taboo thoughts people have but are afraid to say:  1) Blacks are not the innocent victims they claim to be; and 2) We now live in a hypersensitive,
    politically correct, society where it is no longer safe to disagree or discuss uncomfortable topics. 

    Blacks are not the innocent victims we claim to be. At least one article I read about the Kaepernick situation suggested that Reid and Kaepernick's original intention was to bring attention to slavery and race relations. Well, let's talk about that:  We helped with the Enslavement Process. We led European colonists to villages to capture slaves, helped them capture slaves, and led captured Africans to the slave ships that sailed across the Atlantic to the Americas. We had also been enslaving each other for years before the Europeans introduced chattel slavery. And don't hand me that "Yeah, but our form of slavery was different;It was more humane," crap. Slavery is slavery. To force one's lifestyle on others is wrong, even if the intention is to upgrade that person's standard of living. People should always be free to choose their lifestyle. So: As there is plenty of blame to go around, we would be better off taking responsibility for our respective roles and focusing on rehabilitating our minds. Let's just focus on unlearning the inferiority complexes we have developed and perpetuated from then until now.


    While most of the problems Blacks face in this country are directly related to our not having recovered from the Enslavement Process, it is way past the time for us to have at least started rehabilitating. Our progress has been stagnated by useless church sermons and a lack of family planning--habits we learned from the Enslavement Process that we have yet to kick. A lot of our problems stem from the poverty that Slavery created. Poverty breeds contempt: Many of the crimes that cause urban Blacks to interact with police today are a direct result of the  poverty that slavery created. 


    Further, police like many others in society are reacting to the image we perpetuate in our own communities. Think: Movies like "Ride Along," where a Black man may be deemed to not be "tough enough" and has to prove his virility. Blacks are quick to label each other as "soft," or "not Black," or "not Black enough." Then, when people treat us like we're "bad," or expect the worse from us, we complain that we're being targeted. Blacks are the least diverse group of people in America, with all of our intracultural judgments about what people are supposed to do and when they're supposed to do it. So we look kind of stupid bringing attention to a thought process and subsequent behavior pattern that we perpetuate in our own communities. 


    The current protest is not fair to those who gave their lives fighting in the original Civil Rights Movement. The issues we face now are not to be compared to our experiences in the 60's and prior. True:  Some racists have always remained, and Trump's presidency has put some Whites under the belief that it's okay to be openly racist, or to express the ideas that had to be suppressed while liberal Democrats seem to rule the day. But we are not being fair, or honest, if we act like things haven't changed at all, especially given our tendency to accuse Blacks who try to do anything worthwhile as "not being Black." Often, when a Black person tries to achieve and overturn a stereotype, that person is accused of "acting White," or "trying to be better," or my favorite--"bourgeoisie" Go figure:  Isn't that what we're supposed to do--try to be better? We have to make up our minds--in our own communities--and treat each other fairly before we require fairness from others. 


    It is not fair to portray the interactions between police and some Blacks, now, as racist police officers picking off innocent Blacks one by one. These interactions are not the extension of lynching they are being portrayed to be. They are the result of unresolved poverty--the petty crimes that poverty provoke that cause police interactions. Kaepernick and others, therefore, should concentrate their efforts on resolving the poverty that causes police interactions.


    In order to have the standing to put an issue on the national agenda, an individual or group must have clean hands. They must have exhausted all possible alternatives or solutions. Blacks (generally speaking of course) perpetuate poverty by over-populating our communities, producing and acting in films that depict us as hypersexualized violent creatures of bad habits, and we openly treat each other like feces. We gossip and backstab in the workplace and in our communities, like no other group of people. Then we protest for others to treat us nicely.

    We now live in a hypersensitive, politically correct, society where it is no longer safe to disagree or discuss uncomfortable topics. Some sports teams opted not to come out of the locker room during the national anthem, presumably to take the pressure of off people to kneel or not, or to show some gesture of support and risk offending one way or the other. I feel sorry for Black athletes and celebrities who think kneeling is unnecessary, but who are worried about maintaining their fan base. Some players and coaches compromised by locking arms to show "unity." They had to do something, right? Or else they would be perceived as agreeing with President Trump; which goes right back to that hypersensitive, politically correct thing I was talking about--where in order to please people and not be called a racist, you have to show some sign of submission to that which will keep hypersensitive people happy. Some have commented that this kneeling situation has put people in the position of having to choose:  If you kneel or lock arms, you're okay because it shows support; if you do nothing, you're racist. This thinking perpetuates a dangerous dichotomy that prevents honest conversation and analysis, because it leaves everyone afraid to say how they really feel. And it prevents honest dialogue and critical analysis because it allows people to avoid addressing pertinent issues, or fault, by claiming to be offended--even by constructive criticism. 


    President Obama handled a question about whether refusing to stand during the national anthem is disrespectful brilliantly when addressing a veteran's question about Kaepernick kneeling. Obama urged Kaepernick to consider the feelings of veterans and service families, and encouraged service members and their families to consider Kaepernick's pain.That's how you stay sane when someone's conduct is not aligned with your expectations or desires:  You critically think about their motivations and move on. 


    I wish celebrities would be more careful about supporting protests. They're in a tough position: They have to be careful not to offend their fans, and want to seem interested in the same issues as their fans, but they also have employers to please--and they have their own views which undoubtedly get suppressed between trying to please the two. Black celebrities are being put in the position of kneeling or showing some other form of support, or being a called a sellout; worrying about how many social media followers they will lose, or how many less tickets they will sell if they do not appear on the "right side" of the controversy. Where is the diversity in demanding that someone agree with you or be labeled your enemy?


    The current protest and so-called Black Lives Matter movement is corroding the relationship between Blacks and law enforcement, and is making race relations difficult for all Blacks. And it could not happen at a worse time--when there are natural disasters demanding the resources and attention of people and organizations in the best position to share. Biting the hands of potential allies could backfire miserably. 


    Kaepernick and others would be better off using their celebrity to start conversations about the root cause of issues, or using their foundations to help cure poverty. Here's a novel idea: How about Mr. Kaepernick advising little Black boys and girls against engaging in behaviors that destroy our communities and ability to relate to each other, such as advising against engaging in irresponsible sex, and gossiping. How about Black celebrities focus on promoting family planning and birth control, as many of our problems stem from the dysfunctional families that are created when do what we were taught to do during Slavery?  


    Tuesday, September 5, 2017

    Should North American Blacks be more elitist?

    One of the experiences that often makes being “Black” so lonely is the fact that dissention seems to be everywhere. We are at risk of being discriminated against by “White” people and by other Blacks. I call this the “Blackened Blues.” My experience with this phenomenon began in junior high school, in the 8o’s—when all of a sudden, it became en vogue to be anything other than a “Black American.” Suddenly, people starting “coming out” as being “Jamaican.” In the 80’s, all Black immigrants were thought to be from Jamaica. A few years later, people started realizing that all “Black immigrants” (more on this term later) weren’t from Jamaica.

    People that I had been friends with for years suddenly revealed they were not “American.” It was crazy. Then, the trend of referring to North American Blacks—Blacks whose parentage and direct ancestry is not related to the Caribbean and Continental Africa—as “Black Americans” began. The idea behind referring to North American Blacks as “Black Americans” was West Indians’ first attempt at disassociating themselves from “other” Blacks. This lasted for a few years, before West Indians discovered that they looked and sounded silly calling “other” Black people “Black Americans,” when they too were Black and in America.  Prior to this, “Black” people in North America were referred to as “Black,” “Afro-American,” or “African-American.” In fact, I recall that in the 80’s, Jesse Jackson led a campaign to refer to “Blacks” as “African-Americans.” If my memory is serving me correctly, a movement began at this time to make “American” the suffix of nationalities for people who reside in America.  So we started calling people “Caucasian-American,” “Asian-American,” “Italian-American,” and so forth.

    Now, I find that some Blacks—West Indians and Continental Africans—have commenced a campaign to convince White people that the term “African-American” only refers to North American Blacks—Blacks born, and, or, raised, in one of the 50 states.  This campaign is ridiculous for a number of reasons.  First, all Blacks whether they want to be or not, are descendants of Africa. Many Blacks are ashamed of their African heritage, and go to great lengths to convince others that they are “Black—but not that kind of Black.” Before any “African-American” was American, they were African—and are only African-American by way of the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade, which most believe occurred between 1525 and 1857.  Similarly, West Indians/Caribbeans are West Indian by way of the Slave Trade. To be clear: Enslaved Africans were taken from Africa and dispersed and brainwashed among North, South and Central America (which makes them "American" too, doesn't it?) The only true West Indians—if that’s what they even called themselves—are the indigenous people of the Caribbean, such as the Arowaks and Tainos—just like the only true Americans are the people who inhabited America before it was colonized and named America. How silly people look calling themselves “Jamaican,” “Trinidadian,” and using other such ethnic labels to identify themselves, when those labels came about as the result of historical circumstance. I just chuckle:  Colonization has not been kind to the Black mind.

    And while we’re on the topic of silly, what should continental Africans—Blacks born and raised in Africa, and who can trace their immediate ancestry back to Africa simply because the Slave Trade slowed down and, or, ended before their ancestors were forced to live in North America—call themselves after they are naturalized as American citizens? Wouldn’t the correct name for them be “African-American?” Should it be “African-African-American?” Should it be “Continental African-American?” Or should we take the time to learn our history and about why we want so badly to dissociate ourselves from one another?

    A while ago, I was watching an “African” comedienne do a stand-up routine. She introduced herself as being “African—and not African-American either. I’m African African,” is what she said. I turned the channel after that. What is “African African?” Had it not been for her going through such lengths to make sure the audience knew that she was not a North American Black, her ethnicity would not have been known. She had no accent or other identifying features. She looked like she could have been from anywhere—the Carolinas, Compton, Chicago—anywhere.  

    But, I guess I should clarify the shame. The shame is being an “American” Black—even though many of the Blacks who want to dissociate themselves are more “American” than both American Whites and Blacks! So, nowadays, you’ll have a Black person whose parents were born in the Caribbean, who identify completely with “African-American” culture from their modes of dress and speech to their taste in food and music—who will claim not to be “Black” or “African-American” simply because they want to leave a certain impression with a particular audience. Similarly, people who “look Black” are coded as being “Black,” “African-American,” or “Black/African-American,” so the statistics about “African-American” literacy, birth, social service involvement, and incarceration rates, and socio-economic status—just to name a few—include data about “other Blacks” as well. It is therefore unfair and insulting for a group of people to be allowed to add to the statistics of another group, and then dissociate from that group when it becomes convenient to do so.  

    For example, the doctor that is accused of “killing” Michael Jackson, Conrad Murray, is West Indian. Yet, when statistics are recorded about doctors in California that have lost their license, he is likely to be recorded as “Black/African-American.”

    I wouldn’t have a problem with some Blacks wanting to dissociate themselves from other Blacks if a distinction really deserved to be made. But, the fact of the matter is that Blacks as a whole have not recovered from the psychological damage we experienced during the Enslavement Process, and the subsequent ills play out in all Black communities—not just those that include North American Blacks. When the mug shot of a “Black” person is broadcast on television, you do not know if that person is a North American Black, West Indian, or Latino. All West Indians do not have accents. Some Latinos are dark-skinned, with tightly-curled hair. It is not uncommon, for instance, for the mugshot of a “Black” person with locs (dred locks) and dark skin to be broadcast, and for the suspect’s last name to be something like “Mendez,” or “Rodriguez,” which most people associate with being Latino. There is no way to distinguish between North American and South and Central American Blacks by way of their last names, since the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade resulted in North, Central, and South American Blacks having last names that reflected those of our European captors, and Blacks transported from various regions having the same last names. Our first names aren’t telling, either. I’ve met just as many West Indians with names that rhyme with “eesha” and “eeka,” as I have met North American Blacks with such names.

     The term “African-American” is now the same as saying “Bad Black Person.”  There used to be a time when certain attributes were associated with “Blacks” in general—attributes like chastity, discipline—now I’m hearing people attribute these qualities to so-called “immigrant Blacks” only—and suggesting that North American Blacks are the reason for everything that is wrong in Black communities and North America. Having all Blacks’ shortcomings coded as “Black/African-American” statistics is not fair and frustrating. When Caribbeans, continental Africans, dark-skinned Latinos and other people that “look” Black show up to meetings late, perform below standard on standardized exams, get involved in the criminal justice system, use public assistance, and engage in dysfunctional behaviors, they are coded as “Black/African-American.”  

    Blacks are the only ones with this problem:  I never hear Whites going through such pains to distinguish themselves from one another. I have never heard an Italian, British or Irish person, for example, insist on being called their ethnicity over being called “White.” Some Blacks think that being something other than “African-American” makes them more special, or that they are viewed differently or more favorably by Whites. Yet, when Abner Luimer, a Haitian—dare I say—immigrant—was sexually assaulted with a plunger by White police officers, clearly his status as a Haitian was not significant. When a comment was made about dropping a bomb in the middle of the Labor Day Parade in New York City—also known as the West Indian day parade—due to the large concentration of “Blacks” known to attend, there was no courtesy or consideration given to the ethnicities of parade participants or organizers.

    Now let’s discuss their “immigrant” status. When White Americans refer to immigrants, they are generally referring to White-skinned people who had to learn English upon arriving in North America. Generally, the reference is to Eastern Europeans, Asians, and white-skinned Latinos. People with “Black” skin who arrive from another country are referred to as “Black/African-American,” especially those that simply have an accent. Continental Africans who have to learn English upon arrival have a better chance of being classified as “immigrants.”

    So the question posed is:  Should North American Blacks be more elitist? Should we turn our noses up at immigrants the same way they do, at us? Is it fair that after all the strides we’ve made that benefit us and them that we should allow them to disrespect our legacy by pre-judging us, calling us “lazy,” selectively forgetting that our ancestors literally bled and died for civil rights that they take for granted? We allow them to join our Black greek letter organizations and secret societies, to take advantage of our legal defense funds, to apply for scholarships and opportunities for “African-Americans,” while they set up organizations and scholarships from which we are excluded. Can “African-Americans” be eligible for the scholarship superstar Rihanna set up for Caribbeans? Are African-Americans eligible for a Golden Krust Bakery scholarship?

    Why do we North American Blacks allow everybody to infiltrate our success, while no one allows us to infiltrate theirs? Our award shows, magazines, newspapers, and other publications that were designed to feature our success now includes them. Meanwhile, other groups establish organizations specifically designed to exclude them from us, and do not include us the same way we naively include them. Is this the same mistake the Native Americans made—giving too much and then being taken advantage of?

    Now is the perfect time for us to re-examine our relationships with other groups. I can imagine that they may need our help given the hoopla about immigration status. They will probably start preaching that we all need to stick together, while crossing their fingers behind their backs until they feel secure enough to start outwardly sticking up their noses at us again.

    I better not catch any North American Blacks helping with this immigration sh**, because if North American Blacks were the ones who needed saving, no groups would come to our aid. They’d be talking about how we deserve our fate because we’re lazy and didn’t take advantage of opportunities. Who would remind this country about our contributions? North American Blacks are therefore encouraged NOT to support the DREAM or DACA Acts. You wanted to be separate from us, now you’ve got a good chance at being separated from us!

    Spent all that time disassociating from so-called “African-Americans,” and thinking that their immigrant status made them more valued, now they see . . . Clayton Bigsby Syndrome has gotten them nowhere.

    This is a great time for North American Blacks to mobilize and preserve our legacy.

    Sunday, June 25, 2017

    Chickenhead clucks de-coded (Things chickenheads say)

    One of the easiest ways to spot a chickenhead--a useless female due to the havoc it (purposefully using the pronoun "it" to elaborate upon the fact that chickenheads are sub-human) creates--is by her speech. Chickenheads have language they often use, and to which you have undoubtedly already been exposed on many occasions.

    Two of the most common statements (or "complaints") chickenheads make are enumerated upon below. 

    "She don't speak," or "She don't speak to nobody," or "Did she say anything to you?"  Recall that chickenheads come about as the result of unresolved feelings of neglect and abandonment from their childhoods. Their unresolved post-traumatic stress leads to a sense of entitlement that causes chickenheads to take it very personally when others do not acknowledge their existence by greeting them. 

    Chickenheads perceive someone not greeting them as an insult, the same way they felt insulted when their caregivers did not show them the love and affection they needed and wanted during their infant and toddler years. 

    Not "speaking" to a chickenhead is also an affront because chickenheads are very social. They have to be in order to get into people's business and ruin others' lives. The crux of the chickenhead's work is thwarted without a word from you! 

    Not acknowledging a chickenhead delays their chances of ruining your happiness. They are upset by your ignorance of them, because you make them work harder to get into your personal business when you do not initiate contact with them. They also feel less responsible for ruining your life with personal information they find out about you when you initiate contact with them. 

    Yet, too, chickenheads--like most fallen angels (think Lucifer)--just want to be loved, and don't know how. Chickenheads, like most people who experience neglect and abandonment during their formative years, lack language, which explains their requirement that others speak to them first. Chickenheads do not know how to establish healthy relationships because they do not have experience with this. They do not know how to calmly and politely walk up to someone and introduce themselves, so they sit back and wait for the subject of their desire or jealousy to initiate introduction, and when that does not happen they get offended. 

    "She thinks she's cute." This is a classic example of the chickenhead's low self-esteem and usual attempt to project its inferiority complex onto someone else--usually someone that is the subject of their jealousy. Chickenheads don't have the guts to admit when they are jealous of someone, so they blame their ill feelings on others to make it appear as though the other person is doing something to make them feel bad. Of course, the truth is that chickenheads wake up and go to bed feeling bad. Their ill feelings are just provoked or exacerbated by the thought or appearance of another possibly having a happier existence then their own. 

    Chickenhead Clucks Cheat Sheet

    When chickenheads say this: 
    "She don't speak," or "She don't speak to nobody," or "Did she say anything to you?"


    This is what they're really saying:

    • "I'm upset because [the person about which the chickenhead is complaining] did not acknowledge my presence."
    • "[She, the person being complained about] didn't speak first."
    • "How am I going to get into her business if she doesn't speak to me?"
    • "How am I going to make sure [the person I'm complaining about] is miserable like me if she doesn't speak to me?"
    • "She won't be my friend."
    • "I want to be her friend, but I don't know how to initiate conversation. I'm afraid she won't like me." 
    • "I'm afraid that I'm not good enough to be her friend because she seems too confident in herself to want to be friends with someone like me." 
    • "I'm afraid of being alone."

    When chickenheads say this:
    "She thinks she's cute."

    This is what they're really saying:

    • "I'm jealous of her."
    • "I'm too weak to take responsibility for my own inferiority complex."
    • I don't have the strength or courage to get rid of my flaws and do what it takes to be as good as [the person I'm complaining about because I'm jealous]." 
    • "I'm unhappy."
    • "[The person I'm complaining about] seems to have a better life than me."
    • "She's prettier than me." 
    • "I feel inferior."
    • "I'm afraid of being alone."
    • "You're gonna like her more than you like me, then I won't have anybody to love me and I'll be alone forever."
    You get the picture. Remember:  Chickenheads are liars; they speak in opposites. The truth of their own inferiority is too hard for them to bare, so they project their inferiority  onto others in the hopes of sharing their pain with others. Chickenheads think that the way to lessen the burden of their inferiority is to make others feel the pain and misery they do. This is why they gossip, spread rumors and engage in conduct that is hurtful. They don't know how to ask for help. 

    Connection to Slavery
    Chickenheads were created during the Enslavement Process. The Enslavement Process was effective because enslaved Blacks (taken from the continent of Africa, "seasoned" and enslaved in the Caribbean/South America and North America) were not allowed to have relationships with one another. Parents were not allowed to coddle their children. Coddling helps develop relationships and love, and love leads to the protection of loved ones. The protection of loved ones leads to revolt, and revolt would have led to the end of the profitable Enslavement Process. There are even stories of enslaved mothers and fathers shoeing their kids away from them in the presence of slave masters because they didn't want the slave masters to see them showing affection, because showing affection could lead to a child or loved one being sold away. Oh, the power of love. 

    So:  We ended up with generations of families that learned to neglect and abandon their children. Now today, many parents and families still do not know how to love their children or relate to each other. We continue to "hate" each other when we don't have to, because we're perpetuating a mode of survival that is no longer necessary. We don't have to compete with each other anymore for a slave master's attention! We can initiate contact with each other and show authentic affection to each other without being worried about being sold away! And just because someone does not show you the affection you want or need does not mean that they hate you! 

    Examine your reasons for being upset by someone's behavior. Then figure out if the response you want is that which you are entitled to or that which you want for another reason. #KnowingIsHalfTheBattle

    #HappyJuneteenth